Missing Writer

Yes, I’ve been missing, but for a good cause. The last couple of months have been busy, busy, busy.

Let me say that again. B-U-S-Y.

It’s the kind of busy that sees me plopping into bed when I get home and tinkering with the latest time-management game, which puts me to sleep. I complained to K, a fellow writer, that I hardly have time to write these days because work is absorbing all my energy, and at the end of the day, I fall asleep in front of WordPress.

Lately I’ve been thinking about real writing and how I miss it. By real writing, I don’t mean SEO writing or Web content writing or blogging or copywriting, which is what I do at work. But one has to do all this professional writing to make money, because there’s no money in book writing. There’s no money in writing about the arts. As much as I want to write about the things I love, the things that stir the soul, the things that make us all feel alive, at the end of the day I need to bring home a paycheck.

And it’s just sad how this has become.

I told N the other day that I wish I had that love back, that same brand of energy I had many years ago when we started this other site. Maybe, like most love affairs, it was a case of “too much, too soon,” and I had wrung out my energy, because one’s enthusiasm can dampen when one has to think about bills at the end of the month.

Okay, enough of the ranting.

I’m proud to say that while I haven’t been doing some real writing, I (well, my company) did get an award from an e-mail marketing site for best performance. Ain’t that swell? At least I can add that to my CV one day.

Also, finally, after two long years of being with the company, we’re finally overhauling the shamefully bad copy and rewriting them. My Chicago Manual is happy to be of use again, I can sense it. KC, whom I hired as a freelancer to help us out in rewriting the copy for all the product descriptions, expressed glee that finally, what we had been wanting to do back then, when we first joined the firm, is finally falling into place. It’s a landmark in itself:  a company that never really cared about good content on its Website, finally getting a facelift. I’m energized enough just thinking about it and knowing that all is not lost. What I learned back at Xlibris and Global Sources and with good old Joan Orendain isn’t lost. Content is king!

The Single Writer and Her Book

I’ve come to realize that I cannot write and be in a romantic relationship at the same time.  The energies that I use for writing are about as intense as those I exert when I am madly, passionately in love with someone.

I never believed it, and I’ve been in denial for the majority of my adult writing life, but it’s true. When I look back at the years before, I was either happily writing singly or happily involved but on a dry writing spell (but productive elsewhere). I can’t seem to handle both–me whom I consider to have superior multitasking skills.

I mean, really, should you even ask what one should choose between spending a night of romance or staying up all night writing a chapter? Never mind being broke. I’d choose the former. Which is why I’m usually in love and broke or single but earning well. You know what they say: You can’t have everything.

So maybe I should thank my stars that this recent affair has ended and I can happily go back to writing after exorcising the demons of a recent past. Four months more to go, and five chapters to complete. I can do it! (Yes! That’s the spirit!)

Notes on Writing a Book

Writing isn’t a fun process. It is laborious. It feels like giving birth (and I know the feeling). The thought of writing may seem like a piece of cake, but the act isn’t. And the idea of a looming deadline doesn’t make it any easier.

So here’s the plan to get things done in the next five months:

1. Send the child to the grandparents for the summer. Thankfully, it was my little boy’s last day in first grade today, and he is so excited about vacation that I am just so happy to ship him south in a balikbayan box. Not that I want to get rid of him, but I simply cannot write and play mommy at the same time.

2. Take it one chapter at a time. My writing/editing “associate” is doing the work for one chapter, while I will do the final rewrite and edit. That should lessen the burden on me.

3. Prepare the tools of the trade. Last Sunday, I finally picked up the recorder and noted how it has morphed into something else in the last three months that I did not touch it. My sister was able to break open the battery holder, and despite fear of a leaking battery, she was able to dislodge the AA battery that was stuck inside and growing moss (no, really).

4. Send off questions and wait. No, really, because I am in Manila and can only do so much, while my resource people are in various parts of the world.

5. Have faith. Because writing is an act of faith. You got to believe you’ll get done. Or you won’t get paid. So help me God.

Writing resolutions

I’ve been writing for close to 10 years, but I’ve never started writing an article with the idea that I could breeze through it in an hour. Starting is almost always the hardest thing to do when you’re writing, so sometimes when I’m stuck without a lead, I move on to the middle part simply because I refuse to stare at my monitor for hours thinking of a good intro. When I upload an article online or send it off to a managing editor, there’s always this idea at the back of my mind that I could have done better.

I should cut myself some slack, I know. Writing, like any other type of work, doesn’t come easily. (Well, sometimes the best leads come to you in the middle of the night, so you have to listen to those voices in your head–hopefully not the sort urging you to kill someone.)

William Zinsser, writer and teacher, in his book On Writing Well gives this advice on fighting off those fears of disapproval and failure:  “Write about subjects that interest you and that you care about.”

That’s why I make it a point to write about writers and artists and works that I believe in so the writing doesn’t feel so difficult. Of course, it isn’t always the case, and if you’re a professional writer, you’ll have to come up with articles on things that you have had no previous interest in, say promotional products, Christmas lights in mainland China, or a designer whose philosophy I don’t understand.

But to add to Zinsser’s idea, if you have to write about something that doesn’t interest you, approach it with a mindset of “What do I take away from this?” or “How will this change my life?”  or even “How will this help other people?” You never know what you’ll learn.

This year, I’ve made it a resolution to face this fear of writing and tackle new topics. What’s your writing resolution?

5 Freelance Lessons I Learned in 2008

Tomorrow’s the last day of 2008, and as I walked home today, I thought of the many things that happened to my career and my freelance work this year and the lessons they brought. I hope you learn something from this:

1. Learn how to say no. I’m the kind of person who finds it hard to say no, so sometimes I get shortchanged. I get relegated to the back seat. Saying no doesn’t come easily to anyone, and it’s something every freelance worker should learn. Say no when you’re being pushed to the wall. Say no when you’re shortchanged. It might be difficult at first, and you’ll probably lose sleep over it, but it’ll be good for your freelance career.

2. Work with the best people. If you’re new to freelancing, it helps to “ally” yourself, so to speak, with people who have built a good reputation in the industry. I’ve tried Elance and Guru alone in the past and found it difficult to build up my portfolio, but I was lucky to be taken in by a good friend, a freelance illustrator and designer, who has a good reputation on Elance. His experience helped us secure our first project. We’re now working on a comic book project together, with him doing the illustration and I writing the text. Freelance work can be scary at first, especially when you’re alone, so it helps to be with a solid team that will back you up.

3. Never shortchange yourself. I’ve mentioned that I often add a free service to first-time clients, and I still believe it’s a good practice. But when it comes to proposals, it’s always right to quote clients a price that you’re comfortable with. It might not be the cheapest, but prove that you’re worth every dollar.

4. Deliver the best quality on time. You want to be known as someone who gets the job done, fast, so be consistent. This will help you build a good reputation and is always good for your freelance career in the long run. On the subject of delivering on time, it’s always best to manage expectations, so if you think a deadline isn’t realistic, speak up.

5. Pay it forward. I never refuse a project if I can still accommodate it, but if I can’t, I make sure that a fellow writer/freelancer gets it. I believe there’s a lot of work for everyone, and if you’ve built a good reputation, I am sure freelance work will come in steadily. On that note, I also believe that by passing it on to someone who might also need the job more than you do, you not only strengthen a friendship but feel positive that you’ve done a good turn to someone, and that’s always good for the soul, isn’t it?

What are your freelance/career lessons for 2008?

People we’re grateful for

It’s Thanksgiving, so for the first time in months I managed to get a real holiday. When I woke up today, I thought of the many things in my life now that I’m thankful for, and as I look back in the last 15 years, I thought of people who have steered my life to where it is now, a position where I’m happy to be.

• My high-school English teacher. Ms. Sato “discovered” me when I was a sophomore. I was a shy girl back in high school, and I didn’t know where I wanted to go. I didn’t think Ms. Sato noticed me in class–she seemed to have a bunch of favorites, and I knew I wasn’t one of them. But one summer, my mom got a call in her office asking me to go see Ms. Sato because she wanted me in the school paper. The rest, well, is history. I’m thankful she saw something in me that I didn’t see. And that’s why I went on to pursue journalism in college.
• B, who paved the way toward my first book. Despite everything that has happened to our friendship, I will forever be grateful that she thought of including me in that book project.
• N, who opened the door to a wide world of writing. He’s one of the handful of designers who produce kick-ass design and can write well. I learned so much from him during the years we were together–design, usability, SEO–before I actually started doing these today. I know I wouldn’t have started on those if he had not taught them to me. He’s probably the only person who gives me books to improve my writing. (A hint, probably, that I suck at writing. LOL)
• KC, my very brilliant friend, a ballerina, a writer, a filmmaker. Sometimes when I’m so deep into work and don’t get to read for weeks, I remember how she always managed to sneak in some New York Times and New York Mag reading between articles. She sent me this quote from Salon long ago, and it always reminds me to keep better, because that’s what life and writing should be: “Keep your eyes glistening and your intelligence white-hot.” KC is one of those people who will not balk when you send her three-page-long articles from the New York Times. She’s also gone back to school, having signed up for a creative writing course and will probably be in New York next year. She’s doing everything I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m damn proud of this girl.
• Jacob, my 7-year-old. He always gets me running to Google to research on, well, anything and everything he brings up, and I always learn something new each time. He’s got me to realize that I don’t know the answer to everything he asks.
• J, for believing in me and making me want to write again. I’ve been struggling with writing for the last six months. SEO writing, which I do at work, has taken away the enjoyment in the craft. I now dread having to write a 350-word article repeating the phrase “custom logo T-shirts” seven times. There should be more to a writing career than that, right?

Who are the people you’re grateful for?

Writing About Characters Past

I picked up a five-day-old newspaper this afternoon and found myself drawn to a lifestyle column about an artist who had long died. The writer shared how she first met this painter and his impact on her. I won’t quote what she said–that would be giving it away–but I was surprised how, after reading the article, I concluded that the artist must have been a really important figure in the writer’s life.

She talked about him in that personal tone one usually reserves for a boyfriend or a lover. I was amazed with the writer’s frankness and courage to put her strong feelings down on paper and have the entire country read it. I could be wrong; I could be reading too much into what she had to say, but it also got me to thinking about how writing about other people affects their lives and their privacy, and how they have no choice in the matter.

How many of us would want to be the inspiration for a character in a novel or a short story? Leila, my good friend, asked me once to make her a character in my next fiction, and I promised I would. Doesn’t it feel heartwarming to inspire a story’s character?

But on the other side of the fence, how would bad exes feel if you write them into your storyline, especially if they’re the terrible, philandering ones? Moreover, what would their children and their current partners feel? There’s power in the pen, and one can immortalize an evil, manipulative former in a book. But several years down the road, when wounds have healed and bad memories are forgotten, the books are out there in public. Just imagine how a grown-up child would react, knowing a father’s secret past from a book.

Writing about one’s life, whether as fiction or nonfiction, can be therapeutic. But if it opens a can of worms for other people, is it worth it?

Form and Substance, and Working with Brilliance

Form and substance. It’s an idea I got from Joan O., whom I worked with early in my career. Writing should make sense, but most importantly, the presentation should be topnotch. Especially in public relations, where first impressions count, form matters greatly. You want to get people’s attention, but the idea has to have something more to it than just attraction.

At work now, I sometimes wonder—am I too demanding to ask for both form and substance? And more importantly, is it too much to ask people to have the initiative to strive toward form and substance? Does one have to give instructions to resize images so they fit on a screen? Is one too myopic not to notice that the font is too thin, too small—an eyesore? Again, is it too much to ask of a developer, a designer, a creative director to have a little more initiative, improve a little here and there, to take my suggestions and improve on it? Does one have to go by the letter? Is it too much to ask of a designer to look at the work from a reader’s point of view, from someone who knows nothing about typography or treading?

It is during times like this that I miss Sam, my American boss from a trade journal I worked with. Having done manuscript editing before I joined the magazine, I understood that every change was meant to improve a piece and was not a judgment of my capability as a writer. Certainly, there were times when we argued, times when I felt I had made the right judgment, but ultimately I took criticism and suggestions with the knowledge that these were meant to improve my craft and to come up with better copy.

These are times when I also miss good old N, my former significant other, a kick-ass designer whom I worked with briefly. His creations never failed to impress. He had a bunch of ideas, and he would constantly run them by me during our alone times. SEO. Design. Usability. These were things I learned even before I actually read about them.

I miss working with someone brilliant. While I surely am learning a lot of things from what I do now, a big chunk of it is my own doing. But don’t you just miss having brilliant people who never fail to make you think every single hour? I am glad there’s J, who keeps me sane, and whose reading preferences run parallel to the NYT best-sellers list. He lent me Freakonomics some months ago, and I haven’t returned it yet because I keep on reading it over and over, digesting the wisdom.

I just miss brilliant interaction, that’s all. I miss fellow writers and editors who send me well-written articles they’ve read about on NYT, Salon, NYMag. I miss Kace and how we laughed so much over Cary Tennis.

I miss a great mind fuck.

Inspired Writing

I found myself writing furiously, excitedly again two months ago, when San Franciso-based J was just a new presence in my life. The thought of him inspired me to write–he gave me a boost by telling me he thought I was such a brilliant writer, and of course, I fell for it. I would rush home in a jiffy, ideas and characters melding in my mind.

Masterpieces! I would tell myself. And I would bang furiously at my laptop, oblivious to the sometimes-missing punctuation, birthing something–300 words here for this idea, 250 words there for that other idea.

The inspiration peaked in September and went downhill late October (I wonder now if I should have checked the expiry date). And I found myself staring at the screen for minutes, hours, days, weeks, not knowing what to write. Blogging fatigue, maybe? I asked Armand. Lack of sleep, perhaps? It could be both, I told myself. Or some other thing.

Yesterday, as I walked home, I thought, I cannot anchor my writing on someone–what if this person goes away? Should I stop writing then? “I cannot!” I wailed dramatically. “Writing is my bread and butter. Without it I am nothing!” And that punctuated it.

I resolved last night that I will not find inspiration in people who might not constantly be there for me (San Francisco, we have a problem–I am not getting any reception from you).

And so I drew up a list of things that inspired me:

1. Jake, my ever-loving child. I wake up sometimes, look at him, and say, “Damn, you are one good-looking boy, and I gave birth to you?”

2. A good book. I confess to this sin of not instantly finishing a book I start to read. That’s because when the text stops to move me, I move on and find something else that does. I’ve resolved to read anything and everything I can get my hands on, to expose myself to other people’s writing. I think it does a lot of good to a writer. (Although I must say I was surreptitiously reading Kris Aquino’s magazine at Powerbooks last Sunday, not for some showbiz gossip but because I was curious about her vocabulary.)

3. Flowers. I love sunflowers! I love yellow flowers! They’re like Lexapro to me, making me happy, making me write.

4. A good work of art. I almost missed this artist’s exhibit Sunday night, but I told myself I needed some inspiration and put on the best decent casual outfit I could put together in under 60 seconds, plus my new gummy white footwear, which I love to death.

I loved Plet Bolipata’s paintings featured in the Looking for Juan exhibit at the Ayala Museum. There are works whose messages sink in instantly when you look at them. And then there are works whose details you study carefully, and you think them over your mind for days, and then you go back and look at them again, and you understand it a little more. Plet’s works are the latter: there’s always a discovery each time you look at her pieces, like you’re slowly putting together a jigsaw puzzle.

5. Chocolate. A girl’s best friend is shoes; next to it, chocolate. Seeing pieces of Bizu chocolate balls nestled lovingly into dainty little boxes makes me melt. One piece and I am back to writing again.

6. Starbucks coffee. The smell of mocha intoxicates me so, and I write as soon as I put down the paper cup. (Psst, the Starbucks Christmas Tradition has begun! Are you in?)

I have a long list, but I don’t want to bore anyone. Writing inspirations, anyone? Share, share!

Currently Reading: This Is Not Chick Lit

This Is Not Chick Lit: Original Stories by America’s Best Women Writers, edited by Elizabeth Merrick, has been sitting sadly in my bookshelf for more than a year before I finally picked it up.

I’m thankful I brought it along on a media coverage and that I finally read it (an ex sent it to me on my birthday last year) because reading it inspired me to write, not another chick lit, but something more meaty, serious, and thought-provoking.

One of the stories I distinctly remember from this selection is “Selling the General” by Jennifer Egan, because it’s a storyline I can relate with. The female character, Dolly, runs a PR agency and is offered a hefty amount to do crisis PR for a South American dictator whose government had slaughtered masses. I loved the snappy dialogue, and while its New York setting and allusion to brand names and private schools for girls might mislead you into thinking this is part of the Gossip Girl series, it’s not.

(Did I mention that I was once a publicist for a former defense secretary? I lasted a little more than a month–not because I didn’t like him. I’ve sworn not to get involved with politics ever.)

The names of the authors don’t ring a bell, but what they’re doing–going out there to give readers something better– is admirable. As editor Elizabeth Merrick writes in her introduction, these are “female writers pushing the envelope of serious writing with depth and humor.” I’ve never written a short story before, but after reading this book, I think I’d like to try my hand at it.